How I Got Escorted From Hillary’s Speach By Secret Services

When I was attending college in upstate New York in the late 90’s Hillary Clinton was on the carpetbagger campaign trail for the New York Senate.

She was due to speak at Plattsburgh State University.  I was all geared up for the speech. I had a centerfold from High Times of Bill Clinton with buds and cigars in his shirt pocket, lipstick on his collar, and blood shot eyes. In the caption it read  “Up In Smoke”.  (High Times, November 1998 NO 279)

And I couldn’t wait to show it to her.

Yeah I know…

Really Mature Right?

So me and a few of my screwball cronies headed down to the auditorium where she was about to speak. On the walk it became apparent that people with signs and suggestive t-shirts or displays of any sort were being denied entry.

We soon got the bulletin from people who were walking back to return their contraband home if they wanted to hear her Highness speak.

I called the theater in which she spoke an auditorium because the scene was as sterile as an operating room. It was like going to see the fuhrer speak.

People who were expecting to have an exchange with Hillary were in for a rude awakening. At no point did she leave the floor open to questions or comments. She spoke at us. As a matter of fact, everybody was instructed upon entry as to exactly how we were expected to behave.

Realizing already on the walk down that my poster of Slick Willy would be shunned as political contraband I had it rolled up and stuffed down my pants leg before I got there.

Upon entering the lobby of the building I was greeted with the perfect opportunity to show her the centerfold. Hillary was in the lobby having a photo-op with the press. Lots of students, faculty, and members of the community we’re also huddled around her mobbing for her attention.

So I whipped it out…. The poster that is. I unrolled it like a sacred scroll and I screamed “Hey Hillary!”

She looked right at it and tipped her head back and chuckled out loud.

A few people in the crowd didn’t think it was funny, especially this woman who was literally trying to hit me and rip the poster as I continued to obnoxiously keep yelling “Hey Hillary!” while still holding the sign up long after she had already responded to me.

As security (Secret Service) broke up the melee that ensued Hillary looked right at me and said, “You have the poster upside down.”

They then instructed me that if I was going to go into the seating area and listen to her speak I had to leave the poster. I said that I would go and put it away. So I came back a few minutes later with it once again down my pants leg.

As I walked up to the entry door there stood a man in black on each side ushering people in to Hillary’s socially engineered forum. A rather large man to my left asked me if I was gonna pull any other rabbits out of my hat. I said no and he told me where to sit.

I sat down and listened to her speak for what seemed like a year long Catholic mass. I was anticipating the right moment. I was waiting for her to wind down and pause. But it never happened. She went on and on like a monotone Energizer Bunny. Every time I thought she was about done she started talking again, seemingly without a breath.

I got impatient. Mid-sentence I jumped up and yelled, “Hey Hillary!” as I once again whipped out and brandished the at this point very wrinkled centerfold poster.

The men in black immediately surrounded me. I asked them if I was under arrest. They told me that I broke no law to be arrested for but I could have been shot.

Perhaps it’s unwise to jump up out of my theater seat whipping something out of my pants screaming while the First Lady is speaking or they might think I’m pulling a John Wilkes Booth.

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